Getting ready

Okay, so we are doing respite starting tomorrow, which originally started out as a weekend, but now I think it may be for longer, because they seem to think this child would be a better fit for us, since he really needs a positive male figure in his life. We had a meeting and I found out some behaviors and about the past of this child, but I don't really want to focus on him, for confidentiality sake, but I will give my thoughts.

I realize this blog is going to be harder to express myself than I thought, because who knows might read it. But, I want to share my experience, so I will just have to do the best I can.

Last night I had to take some time to really take this to the Lord in prayer. I have some reservations now that it's actually here, but they are all selfish concerns. For instance I just keep thinking:

1. it's not just Rob and I anymore, we are not going to have all the time alone we have now. (Keep in mind we have been married for 5 years and together for yearly 10 yrs.- this is a huge deal for us.) We pretty much just do whatever we want, but it's not about us anymore.

2. I am going to feel like I am in "teacher mode" all the time now. It's going to be a lot like school, teaching manners, appropriate behaviors, reteaching that ADULTS are in control, not the child, a lot of behavior techniques, reward systems, etc. I feel like I am about to lose all personal freedoms and personal time.

3.What if I can't do it? What if he doesn't respect me? What if I screw everything up and I can't stay consistent? What if? What if? What if?

But, these were all things I expected to feel as a result of this. So, why am I so surprised? I know that I am losing a lot of selfish time to myself, but it's really time to stretch myself into being more selfless, something God has laid on my heart, and for #2, God has prepared Robert and I through teaching to be ready to deal with this at home. And all the worries and "what if's": well, this is where the trust comes in to play.

I read a couple of quotes last night that assured me I was exactly where I needed to be:

"He wants you to see what he can do when you admit you can't." - Priscilla Shirer

"One of the ways we know his voice is that it's content is such that he keeps us at a point of trusting him for something new- in ourselves, in our loved ones, in our ministry. Trusting him for deeper levels. For more growth. For wider usage. And always advancing from faith to faith.- Peter Lord