Getting Easier everyday.

Our biggest issue is, "what is he going to do?" So, yesterday we lucked out on a basketball goal for $25 and a slip-n-slide ($10). He had a ton of fun and spent most of the day playing outside. It's hard because he's by himself, so he's got to find stuff to do on his own sometimes. Funniest thing is- we went to my parents that night and he went out on the farm and jumped on the hay bales, a free thing... it was his favorite thing he did that day.

Rob got out to shoot hoops tonight and pulled a muscle in his back. Come on, were not even 30 yet! In all seriousness, things are getting easier everyday. I burst into tears this morning because of what I read in my devo last night- obedience will result in blessings. I already see blessing. Our little guy came and told me how he didn't feel like he could really be a kid at his last home. When I went to pick him up from his fam

ily visit they told me it was the first time they heard him laugh in a long time. I know that certain foster kids need high structure and lots of regimen. We have rules we make him do chores, but we also are providing fun things for him to do. He does need to feel like a kid, comfortable here. He's gotten to where I catch him dancing in his room and singing around the house. Granted, if behavior gets worse, we'll turn up the heat, but he has been so well-behaved, following directions, etc. there's not a need to be constantly hard on him. There are are behaviors that need to be worked on, and we are getting there. One is pride. Another- telling the truth especially... not expanding stories. I've had to pull the "Boy, Jesus knows if your lying!"

One thing that cracked me up is that we were asked, "If I am going to be with you during school, are yall going to make me read at night?" And, " Do you think we could have set meal times so I know when we're going to eat?"

I have to become a better planner, meals, times, activities. We are so used to going at our own pace, but all that has changed. We enjoy our time after he goes to bed so much, that I wish we had made his bedtime earlier! Rob and I are trying to figure out how to communicate with each other about when he's stressed.

Lists... Lists....Lists...

I laid in bed last night and realized that I am going to be making a lot of lists. I made multiple lists last night.

1. Behavior goals

2. Rewards/Punishments

3. "talks" we're going to have when he comes back next week. (a lot list of things that's gonna change!) Oh my. I am going to be a lecturing fool like my dad was!

4. food he will actually eat (foster kids seem to be even pickier eaters than others. Seriously. Can you imagine if what you considered "home cookin" changed every few months?)

5. other things we are going to need to hide- I know this sounds bad, but there were things I didn't think about. Pocket knives, cell phones and lighters made the top of the list.

6. chores he will be responsible for

7. lessons to be taught. Pride, respecting parents, and telling the truth and being trustworthy

8. bedtime routine- Okay, I would love to know what other foster parents do about bedtime. It was REALLY awkward for me. With my own child this would come so natural, but I was like, should I tuck him in? Should I read to him? What do you say? It was weird because he is 10, and we had just met, so imagine putting a random kid to bed for the first time. It just didn't feel natural.

I recognize I don't know how to be a mom. I thought it would come natural. I thought we would have some advantages over not having biological kids first, but this is harder than I thought. I woke up early this morning and ran through about 10 ways he could get into trouble if he got out of bed before I woke up. I pictured him running away, cutting himself, and a whole slew of things.

I know it will be a great blessing, and the best part is knowing that I am doing God's will. I have to stay focused on the main thing.

first day on the job

What do you do with a 10 year old only child? Rob's played the entertainer today- basketball at the park, mariokart, toy story 3... but we're like... what is he going to do on a day to day basis? How is he supposed to entertain himself? I guess we'll figure it out. The greatest concern I see is how much communication Rob and I will need to have, and being censored. By that I mean, anyone that knows us is aware that we love to joke around with each other and to others it seems like we're being mean to each other. We are weird, and we're having to tone that down a lot, because we are supposed to be a good example of a married couple. I feel like I can't be myself I guess, but I suppose I am going to have to change some things.

I am worried about messing up. I know we have to start out strict and then lighten up, but I want so much it to be the other way around. The only parenting book I have ever read had a whole chapter about accepting the fact that you are going to make mistakes. Good thing that kids are more adaptive and forgiving than adults.

I keep thinking how strange it must be to go to some random person's house to stay. It's like going to a slumber party without knowing anyone at the party. How awkward, I can't even begin to imagine how I would feel.

I have been ready to cry all day, because I see how dependent I am going to have to be on the Lord for wisdom, for everything, even the smallest of decisions.

Getting ready

Okay, so we are doing respite starting tomorrow, which originally started out as a weekend, but now I think it may be for longer, because they seem to think this child would be a better fit for us, since he really needs a positive male figure in his life. We had a meeting and I found out some behaviors and about the past of this child, but I don't really want to focus on him, for confidentiality sake, but I will give my thoughts.

I realize this blog is going to be harder to express myself than I thought, because who knows might read it. But, I want to share my experience, so I will just have to do the best I can.

Last night I had to take some time to really take this to the Lord in prayer. I have some reservations now that it's actually here, but they are all selfish concerns. For instance I just keep thinking:

1. it's not just Rob and I anymore, we are not going to have all the time alone we have now. (Keep in mind we have been married for 5 years and together for yearly 10 yrs.- this is a huge deal for us.) We pretty much just do whatever we want, but it's not about us anymore.

2. I am going to feel like I am in "teacher mode" all the time now. It's going to be a lot like school, teaching manners, appropriate behaviors, reteaching that ADULTS are in control, not the child, a lot of behavior techniques, reward systems, etc. I feel like I am about to lose all personal freedoms and personal time.

3.What if I can't do it? What if he doesn't respect me? What if I screw everything up and I can't stay consistent? What if? What if? What if?

But, these were all things I expected to feel as a result of this. So, why am I so surprised? I know that I am losing a lot of selfish time to myself, but it's really time to stretch myself into being more selfless, something God has laid on my heart, and for #2, God has prepared Robert and I through teaching to be ready to deal with this at home. And all the worries and "what if's": well, this is where the trust comes in to play.

I read a couple of quotes last night that assured me I was exactly where I needed to be:

"He wants you to see what he can do when you admit you can't." - Priscilla Shirer

"One of the ways we know his voice is that it's content is such that he keeps us at a point of trusting him for something new- in ourselves, in our loved ones, in our ministry. Trusting him for deeper levels. For more growth. For wider usage. And always advancing from faith to faith.- Peter Lord

Preparing for the unknown

Well, I am getting started later than expected, but that's how these things usually go. I want to share what's been going on so far. Rob and I completed classes two weeks ago. It only took us a couple of months to complete training, since our recruiter and the fellow future foster parents that were doing training with us were excited and ready to get through the classes quickly. We started at the beginning of May and went to class on Mondays and Tuesdays from 5-7. Most of our classes covered a variety of topics. Much of it was information I had already heard before in undergrad, during our child development psyc class, but was a good review. We had a lot of fun and laughs, and I kept thinking about how some of my students were dealing with the same problems that most of the foster children are going through. The funniest class was CPR and First Aid. Can I just say that those dummy babies freak me out? I hope I never ever have to give baby CPR because it just weirds me out, something I can't explain. Rob was so gracious to take video of me just staring and the baby dummy panicking. Okay, what do I do now? What do I do now? I appreciate that our agency prepares us with these classes, but I know that just jumping right in when we actually have a child here will be when the real lessons begin.

I know that I can do this. There is such a peace to following the will of God. I can do this, because I have something supernatural, something that goes beyond the earthly realm of "freaking out about what to do". I have the strength, courage, power, wisdom and grace that comes through the holy spirit. It is not by any coincidence that as soon as foster parenting classes were over, I jumped into a women's Bible study about this gift, the gift of the Holy Spirit, left behind when Jesus Christ left Earth. Amazing. Just amazing that we are not all out here on our own.

If you are instantly turned off now from reading this blog thinking, what a religious fanatic, then okay, fine, I can understand, but I'm not going to back down or water down what's really the most important thing in my life, and I am not going to leave out the name of Jesus because it might offend someone. Because, I am writing about this journey I am on, specifically foster parenting, and it's not for me, it's for Him, so why leave that out? Alright folks, if you are still with me, here we go.